Answer:
You can get control in public
Public discipline is an area of
challenge for many parents, so you're not alone. Since your
son has been used to being the ruler in public, you're going to
have to do some work to get him under your control, but it is
possible.
The Manager of every store creates the rules
Sit him down in a quiet place and let him know that he is
going to be expected to abide by specific rules when out in
public. Let him know that every store, restaurant or public
place has it's own set of rules that all children must abide
by. Before your meeting, write down a list of rules that
you'll discuss with your son such as: No running, must use inside
voice, no whining, no touching items etc... Tell him that
the Managers in the stores keep an eye on everyone to make sure
they are obeying the store rules. Let him know that the
Manager can ask you to leave if your son misbehaves. Tell
him that you've come up with a fun way to remind him of the store
rules.
Private signals to make public discipline
more fun
Go over each rule that he will now be expected to follow when
you're out in public. Ask him to make up a fun hand signal
for you to do if you need to remind him of a specific rule. Example:
If he's talking too loud in public then you'll cup your hand
around your ear to remind of that he's breaking the Must Use
Inside Voice in Public rule. Write a
description of that hand signal next to that rule on the
list. Create hand signals for each rule. Have him come
up with a hand signal that he will do back to you to let you know
that he understood your signal and will behave from then
on. Example: Once you've done the hand signal to remind
him that he's breaking a rule, then he will wiggle all the fingers
on one hand, or give you the thumbs up signal to let you know that
he understood and is going to behave now.
Role play using private signals
Allow your son to be you and you be your son first. Say a
rule out loud, then you pretend to be your son breaking that rule
in a store. Example: Say, "You must use your inside
voice in all public places." Then you start to yell and shout
just like your son would and have your son do the
"Parent" signal that he made up to let you know
that you need to use your inside voice. Once he does the
signal, do the "I understand signal" back to him and
talk in a quiet voice. Go over each rule with you playing
the child, and your child playing the parent. Then switch
and role play
as yourselves.
Fake Shopping Trip
Take your child on a fake shopping trip to practice your new
signals. Don't let him know that it's a fake trip.
Take him to a store where you know a manager will be close by and
when you see the manager, hand him a note that lets him know that
you're teaching your child good public behavior and you'd like for
the manager to come over and either compliment your child if he's
behaving by thanking him for obeying the store's rules, or if your
child is acting up at the time, ask the manager to come over and
remind your child of how he's to behave in the store. This
way your child will realize that these rules aren't your rules,
they are the rules of the public establishment. Once your
child learns the signals, and realizes that the manager is
watching, he will think twice about misbehaving in public.
Kim Proulx is the creator of The Happy
Discipline Kit. A positive discipline program and tool
that can change your life as a parent. Kim is also
available to do free, one-hour Happy Discipline Workshops for
parents of preschoolers and kindergarten students at your school or organization and she
is also available to meet with parents to do one-on-one parenting
consultations. If you'd like to learn more click
here.
