My child use to be a good sleeper, but now that he's a little
older he's starting to fight me at bedtime. He gets up
several times to ask me questions, get more hugs, get a glass of
water etc... It's so bad, that he'll get up at least 10
times before I finally have to loose my cool and threaten him to
stay in bed "Or Else!" I hate that I have to end
my day with my son by threatening him with a punishment. It
makes me feel horrible and he goes to bed angry. What can I
do to make bedtime easier. I really need help with
this! Thanks. Betty K.
Answer:
This is always a difficult situation
because your child doesn't want to go to sleep because he's afraid
he's missing out on something or too wound up from nightly
activities. There are many reasons why children don't
want to go to bed.
These battles can be hard to win, but you can be
the victor in this situation. First, think about all of the
excuses your son uses at bedtime to delay having to actually get
in bed and go to sleep. You mentioned a few already, *Ask
you a question * More hugs * Glass of Water. This will help
you prepare to win this fight.
Try this tonight: 30 Minutes before
bedtime, talk to your son about how you expect him to act when
it's time for bed. Tell him that you would like him get in
bed and go to sleep when you tuck him in and you expect him to
stay in bed and not get out of bed again. Let him know that you
have lots of adult things you need to do in the evening and if you
don't get to do them you'll have less time to spend with him
during the day. Let him know that he needs a certain amount
of sleep to stay healthy and that, as his mom, you need to make
sure that he gets the right amount of shuteye. Make sure
you're armed and ready. Ask him what type of bedtime routine
he would like in order for him to obey your rules. Give him
options such as: a book read or song sang, he can ask one or two
questions, gets his own personal nighttime glass to fill with
water and take in his room. Ask him how many hugs he would
need to feel happy and satisfied.
Make up a secret bedtime handshake that
you'll do together when he's gotten everything he needs and he's
agreed to go right to sleep. After you've fulfilled the
bedtime ritual, tell him your expectations again and ask him to do
the secret handshake to let you know that he's going to listen to
your rules. Agree on how you'll leave the room after the
handshake, such as: one final question and one big hug. This
way you'll establish a routine so he knows what is expected and
knows how the bedtime ritual will go. If your child claims
that he's not tired, then allow him to keep his light on and look
at some books for a while, 10,15 - 30 minutes. When you
return, he will most likely have fallen asleep.
If he gets out of bed, remind him of your
agreement and let him know that you won't have as much time to
spend with him at bedtime tomorrow night if he continues to get
out of bed because you'll have more adult things to do tomorrow
since he's interrupting your adult time tonight.
Once your child gets use to this routine, he'll
enjoy bedtime and you will have won this bedtime
battle.
Kim Proulx is the creator of The Happy
Discipline Kit. A positive discipline program and tool
that can change your life as a parent. Kim is also
available to do free, one-hour Happy Discipline Workshops for
parents of preschoolers at your preschool or organization and she
is also available to meet with parents to do one-on-one parenting
consultations. If you'd like to learn more click
here.
