Many parents say, "My child just won't
listen!" If you're one of these parents then
know that you're not alone. Most children don't
listen at one time or another. The good thing is
that there are some techniques you can use to increase
your child's listening skills.
Use Short Statements
When children talk to each other they use short,
precise statements. If you want your child to
listen then you need to avoid, long, drawn out
instructions or ranting. Use short, precise
statements. If you want your child to bring their
dishes to the sink then try saying, "Dishes, to
sink, now, please."
Use a Calm Firm Voice and Good Eye Contact
When asking your child to do something make sure to
say your demand using a calm, firm voice. Always
make good eye contact and get down on your child's
level. It's important that your child know you're
addressing him and that you're serious about what it is
you're saying. Getting down on his level will
eliminate his feeling of being "ruled by the
dictator" and make him feel that your request is
more reasonable. He'll be more apt to listen when
you get his attention and get up close and personal with
him instead of standing over him like the ruler of the
house.
Use "I" Statements
If you want your child to do something or you'd like
him to stop a negative behavior then address him using
an "I" statement. Example: "
I would like you to clean up the craft area. Paper
in bin, crayons in crayon box, paint in drawer." or
"I would like you to stop yelling." If
you use "I" statements instead of
"You" statements then he'll understand that
what you're asking is important to you, rather than
feeling belittled with a "You" statement such
as: "Why do YOU always make such a mess. You
have to clean that up right now!" The
"You" statements make the child feel as if
you're disappointed in him and he'll tend to be more
defensive if you approach him in this manner.
Reasons we Listen
Children and adults are more alike than you
think. We all want to be treated with respect and
spoken to at our level. If someone stands above
you and demands that you do something, are you likely to
listen or fight back? Adults and kids tend to fight back
in this situation. When talking with your kids,
think about how you like to be spoken to and mimic those
actions. Use a calm, but firm voice. Look
your child in the eyes. Bend down so you're at his
level. Be precise about what you're wanting.
Give specific examples about what he's to do and give a
timeline of when he's to do it. Don't interrupt
him when he's busy doing something else to make a
demand. Wait until he's done and then state your
request. If you talk to your child like you want
to be spoken to then he's more likely to listen to your
requests and also he'll learn how to talk to others in a
calm, clear manner.
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